If your partner has been diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD, you might feel as if you're suddenly living with a stranger. PTSD has defining symptoms that result in behaviors by the sufferer that can be troublesome not only to him or her, but to you as the partner. As a result, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms can impact your relationship.
While you undoubtedly want to support your partner in getting the treatment needed for those PTSD symptoms, you might nonetheless find it difficult to remain motivated to do so because the changes in your loved one's behavior are getting you down. How do you keep feeling cheerful about helping your partner when your loved one is irritable and slinging verbal abuse your way fairly regularly, for instance? How do you keep being cheerful about helping your partner when your loved one refuses to do practically anything with you anymore? In fact, you may be angry or depressed because you suddenly face an essentially sexless marriage.
Remind Yourself It's about the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
If you suspect that anger or depression is about to get the best of you, you might have to stop and remind yourself that it's really the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder that's talking here, not your partner. Indeed, remind yourself that your PTSD-impacted loved one might not want to go anyplace anymore because of fear of having a flashback. A flashback, one of the symptoms of PTSD, causes your loved one to essentially relive the traumatic event. A wounded warrior, for example, who hears a car backfire may suddenly believe that he is back in the war zone again where an Improvised Explosive Device (IED) has just gone off. Thus, just as in the war zone he might have jumped on top of a fellow soldier to push him to safety, he might do the same to you while people on the street stop, stand there, and stare.
When you think about a flashback this way, you can better appreciate why it is something your partner wants to avoid, wouldn't you agree? But there is more to it than that. When a flashback is triggered by something that the brain perceives as reminiscent of the trauma that caused the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder initially, the PTSD sufferer relives all the painful emotions of that time, sees the disturbing visual images, smells the obnoxious smells, hears all the sounds--or experiences the painful or horrific traumatic event again mentally in its entirety.
Now can you better appreciate why your PTSD-suffering partner might want to remain home along instead of walking into congested places by your side? Remember, the Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder victim has no idea as to what in the environment might be viewed by his or her brain as reminiscent of the traumatic event. It might be a sound your loved one has no conscious awareness of hearing at the time. But since the brain has all such memories stored, this one memory that is associated with all the other memories of the traumatic event will be triggered. In turn, then, so will all the others.
Certainly, a flashback can be triggered in the home. Nevertheless, at least there, your loved one doesn't have to worry about the shocked reaction of strangers-or what he or she might be putting you through publicly.
Wondering What PTSD Symptom can Result in a Sexless Marriage?
Are you wondering what PTSD symptom might be having a negative influence on your sex life? If your partner is a woman who experienced sexual assault in the form of rape, she might be fearful that being sexual with you will trigger a horrific flashback. Then again, if your partner is that warrior wounded by Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, let's say, he might well be experiencing another PTSD symptom known as emotional numbing. As a result, he may be fearful he'll experience erectile difficulties-not uncommon in male Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder sufferers. Of course, you might be troubled because he not only wants to forego sex, but he might want to avoid any kissing or caressing. Why is that? Because of his fear that if touches you in loving ways, you may become desirous of having sex. As a result, he avoids touching you at all.
Again, if you've been viewing your loved one's refusal to become intimate as personal rejection, could you think about what has been happening differently? Remind yourself that your partner undoubtedly doesn't want to set himself up to disappoint you. Recognizing this, you may discover you suddenly feel comfortable gently opening a conversation where you can demonstrate that you have some understanding of what is happening. Then, you might suggest that the two of you strive to come up with one or more solutions that better addresses the needs of the two you. Of course, if this seems to be making your partner feel stressed out or your loved one seems incapable of having such a discussion currently, you might decide it is necessary to back off for the time being-at least until your partner can get his PTSD symptoms under better control. Perhaps once this has happened, you might want once again to strive to find ways to move from this essentially sexless marriage where enjoy a desired level of intimacy.
Managing Your Disappointment Benefits Your "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship"
If you can hide your disappointment when your partner once again lets you down because of behaviors undoubtedly driven by PTSD symptoms, you will be helping to minimize the amount of stress your loved one feels. This is a good thing because when the PTSD sufferer feels more relaxed, troublesome Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms are less apt to occur. However, even if they do, they'll likely be of a weaker magnitude than they would have been otherwise.
As your loved one's PTSD symptoms ease off, you'll likely feel less stressed out as well, don't you imagine? Your depression should begin to lift. Your anger may start to dissipate. While your partner may never return to the person he or she was before developing Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, you may find that you are better able to cope with what the PTSD symptoms have tossed your way. Wouldn't that be a great thing--and merely because you changed your own thinking? Because you choose to perceive things differently?
You might always continue to prefer that circumstances were different with regard to your "Post-traumatic Stress Disorder relationship." Still, as you grow more accepting of the realities you face-of what is-there can be a sense of accomplishment and good feelings that come from that. You might even prefer aspects of yourself that the experience of living with a partner with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder caused to develop.
Diane England, Ph.D. is the author of a self-help book designated by the "Library Journal" as one of the "BEST BOOKS OF 2009." In fact, "The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship: How to Support Your Partner and Keep Your Relationship Healthy" was one of only three self-help books to make their list. While this licensed clinical social worker, with other degrees in family studies and child development as well, offers information and tools for those struggling with relationships harmed by PTSD, previously Diane England wrote articles on topics such as his narcissism, addictions, and abuse and her likely codependency and recovery via personal development and spiritual growth. Diane England sincerely hopes you will check out her book even if it would not benefit you personally-so you might make others aware of it. After all, you never know who may be suffering silently and needlessly. Also, with PTSD associated with a higher risk of suicide, you could be offering a PTSD-impacted couple a life preserver without even knowing it, don't you imagine? To learn more, visit http://www.DrDianeEngland.com or http://www.NarcissismAddictionsAbuse.com
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